Thing You *Couldn't* Find on the Internet

For my summer job, I've been working at a local hotel as a griller at the pool bar. While filling in for our now-fired receiving clerk, I and a friend had some spare time. Inspired by a list I once saw on xkcd's Blag, hilarity ensued.

Phrases you couldn't find on the Internet this morning:

green striped pilates

iron cabana metal

dinosaur heartburn

cheese bagel dreams

Daffy Duck dementia

help I'm trapped in a lightbulb

how to make my balls magic (Anthony's query, not mine)

flex my magic playhut

since when does your mother do

hold the baby by its tail

Honorable mentions:

do not fork from this side (1 hit)

flapjack fatties (1 hit)

patrick swayze is god (5 hits)

all american bartender (7)

goat couch (81)

pirate promenade (129)

duct tape detectives (233)

death by bubble wrap (1,040)